I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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