This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
