well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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