My brain says no but my pants say off.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
