it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
