cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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