JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize