Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
