Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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