Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you made out with another girl for some wings
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