we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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