He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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