How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your penis caused this!
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