he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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