just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize