apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
