90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
