One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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