Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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