this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
