Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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