And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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