Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize