i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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