so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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