Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
