if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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