Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
