She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize