I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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