No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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