Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
