at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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