I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
4 words: hood of his car
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize