When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
