i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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