What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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