I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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