I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
