I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
