He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
