I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want nice things and good sex
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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