we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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