his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
