I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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