I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
