I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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