Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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