U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
