sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
