Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
