New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
