cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
