how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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