Jerry, you need to find god
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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