I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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