So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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