I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
