so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
only you would photoshop your dick
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
