Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
