Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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