I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I could fuck to npr.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
