is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
