im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
