did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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