my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
