A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize