Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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