Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
