Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
