And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
