Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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