i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
