the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
