I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I deserve this hangover.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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