Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
