I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
