what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
