Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got her a Nickelback box set.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
