sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
