she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
