Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
