somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
