my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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