I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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