Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
