This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize