His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
