Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize
