I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
