Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
