my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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