apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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