So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
