Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Text me some of your sweat
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
