Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
