I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You took a bar mat shot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
