so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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