I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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