No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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