and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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